Intro to Gospel-Centered Counseling for Non-Christian Women Considering Abortion

The problems in these cases are at least two-fold:

1. The mother is under the wrath of God
2. A person is about to be murdered

A gospel-centered approach to a non-Christian woman considering abortion tries to keep both problems in mind and deal with them both. The goals are therefore two-fold as well:

1. Present the gospel of Jesus Christ to the mother
2. Prevent the person from getting murdered

One way to begin is by making sure the mother is aware of her options. These include:

1. Parenting
2. Short-term foster care
3. Adoption
4. Abortion (included because she is considering this as an option not because it is a good option).

OPTIONS
1. Parenting

Here the Christian counselor focuses on the fact that children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3) and that being a parent is a wonderful privilege and opportunity (Ephesians 6:4; Proverbs 31:28). This is true even if the pregnancy is unexpected or is a result of sin. Here is a wonderful place for the Christian counselor to speak of God’s role as Creator, Father, and Protector. God created us all to give Him glory and have a relationship with Him. Just as He designed Adam and Eve for this purpose, God brings each life into this world for that purpose. A parent enables this purpose to become a possible reality, whereas an abortion cuts short God’s whole design in giving life.

Furthermore, God is our Heavenly Father who provides for us with all good things: life, breath, health, and food. A mother or father is supposed to imitate this role by giving their child life and then doing everything necessary to provide for them (this can include adoption). God is also our Protector – of the Christian especially so (Psalm 36:7-8). God is described in Scripture as our Shield, our Fortress, our Tower, our Refuge, our Strength, and as a Warrior on our behalf (Psalm 18:2). He is even described as a hen or as a nursing mother. In short, He protects. We are to imitate this role by protecting those God has entrusted to us. The womb is designed to provide and protect for a baby. It nourishes them and provides everything the young one needs. It is a perfect safe haven for those who are vulnerable and helpless – just as Jesus is to those who are His (Matthew 11:28-30). An abortion perverts the purpose of the womb by allowing a foreign invader inside; this invader seeks to bring death and destroy. Yet we know that Jesus has come to give life and life abundantly (John 10:10).

Bringing a baby to full term in the womb and allowing the baby to live is in harmony with God and God’s design for humanity. A completed pregnancy can end in the birth mother parenting or another party to become the parent(s); either way the mother’s womb is acting as a symbolic picture of God as Creator, Father, and Protector. This is fitting, for both man and woman are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).


2. Short-term foster care

All of the same points apply from number one. The important thing is to help the mother determine if this is an option. For example, there may be a family member who is willing to parent the child until the mother finishes high school or gets a job. The mother may be able to connect with an agency that makes short-term foster care for the newborn baby an option. There are many ways to go about this but the important thing is to see if this is a possibility. Sometimes mothers never consider it but a wise Christian counselor can help them realize this may be a possibility.

It is also a good idea for the Christian counselor to make known to the mother any good foster parents they know. If the Christian counselor knows of a Christian foster parent (of any kind, as in do not exclude grandparents who have parented for their grandchildren, etc.), this is a wonderful time to use a testimony to share the gospel. If the foster parent has a strong Christian worldview which plays out in their day to day life, then those kinds of things are excellent to point out.

The gospel-centered Christian counselor will look for ways to do this that do not merely exalt the foster parent’s positive character but rather highlight the grace of God on display in the life of the foster parent. The counselor will work to bring forth concrete examples of events and decisions in the foster parent’s life in which the gospel can be spotlighted. This may take hard work to synthesize in a clear way but it is worth it because this method results in giving a clear witness to the grace, mercy, and love of Jesus Christ in the lives of his followers.


3. Adoption

Many of the main points from numbers one and two still apply here. The difference, of course, is that even though the mother is still carrying the baby to term and therefore choosing life for the baby, the mother will not be engaging in the parenting process. The mother must know that this option is honorable. They must see that adoption, which allows for life to continue, is infinitely superior to an abortion, which prematurely cuts life off. If the Christian counselor knows either an adoptive parent or a child who was adopted, it can be a good idea to mention this to the mother considering abortion. The idea is to give a real face to adoption. The mother may have heard horror stories about adoption or may be misinformed about it. A real-life example can help the mother realize that adoption is a legitimate and beautiful option.

Adoption also has the advantage of being a perfect picture of salvation. Adoption is where God takes those who were formerly not His own and makes them His own. God brings sinners into His family through His Son – and through no other way. He takes people from a diverse range of groups – from every nation, tribe, and tongue and combines them into a new humanity – the people of God. This group of people are brought into God’s family through grace alone and faith alone but not because they deserved it or were anything special. When these people are made his children, all previous debts and identities are wiped away. Now they are a new creation in Christ – completely new, re-born (2 Corinthians 5:17). They have a new identity and new rights as sons and daughters of the Most High God. The mother must see that this is so radical because previously these folks were all sinners who were justly condemned for their rebellion against the King.

Here is where the gospel-centered counselor remains focused on the fact that the mother before them is a sinner in need of repentance. In fact, the unregenerate person is described in Scripture as a child of wrath, a son of disobedience, an enemy of God, a slave to sin, and even the offspring of the Devil (Ephesians 2:2-3; John 8:44). Adoption is the complete reversal – and then some – of that status. This may be difficult to properly get across (depending on the time frame or how many “sessions” you have with the mother) but the key is this: the mother must see that physical adoption is a fantastic picture of spiritual adoption.

It is good to point out that spiritual adoption is eternal and hence, even more grand than physical adoption. This is yet another place where the gospel-based counselor is looking for ways in this tough situation to explain the gospel. Even though everyone tends to think of the baby needs to be adopted (which may be true), the unsaved mother needs to be adopted as well.


Practical Applications

As you speak about the option of parenting, make sure the mother knows your church will help. Talk about the mentoring relationships with more experienced parents that the church can provide or the resources she can have access to through the church. These things work better if the mother becomes a Christian, of course, but since saving the baby’s life is so important, the local church should be willing to find ways to help a mother who does not abort once the baby is born. This may even be a good place to talk about your church’s children’s church program and how it seeks to explain life-changing gospel principles to children in a way they can understand.

As you speak about short-term fostering or adopting, make sure the mother knows your church will help. Talk about the church connecting the mother to good agencies and providing her with the appropriate information. Speak of agencies you know of and what they do – this will help the mother see how this plays out in real time.

As you speak about not aborting the child, talk about organizations such as the Crisis Pregnancy Centers who provide a wide variety of pre-natal care. Explain some of what they do (pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, etc.) and why it is important. Whether the mother will let the child be adopted or parent herself, it is also helpful to talk about other moms in the church community who can help the young mother go through pregnancy. Women who will attend appointments with her, watch her other children (if she has them) while she goes to appointments, or just give her important advice along the way. Hopefully, your church has a meals for new moms type of program in place, or other similar helps (baby shower planning help, clothes drives, etc.) – talk about those aspects as well.


4. Abortion

This section of the discussion, wherever it may fall, requires great discernment indeed. The discussion of abortion as an option must be explained carefully. Hopefully, by this time the mother sees herself as a sinner and her need of a Savior. By the end of this part of the discussion, she sees abortion as absolutely unthinkable. If the gospel-centered counselor senses that the mother does not yet see her gospel need, then this may be the time to really preach the holiness of God … albeit, in the context of a discussion on abortion. This is a tall order.

Hopefully, the gospel-centered has proceeded with a high degree of evident compassion thus far. This is still essential to maintain. However, depending on how the discussion has evolved thus far, the gospel-centered counselor may really need to speak the truth in a stronger manner than has been previously done in the conversation. It all depends on the progress made thus far and the Christian with the Holy Spirit as his or her Guide, Comforter, Counselor, and Helper can do what needs to be done in a Christ-centered and God-glorifying way.

First, the gospel-centered counselor must explain who man is
The creation of Adam and Eve was the pinnacle of God’s creative activity and only we humans can have a relationship with our Creator. God initiated this relationship in the Garden of Eden, man and woman broke that relationship through the sin of disobedience and now Christ – the Second Adam – has come to restore and repair this relationship.

An excellent way to stress the value of humankind is by showing how God loved us enough to send His own Son to die on our behalf. God’s love is what drove Him to provide a substitute on the Cross – Jesus Christ, the Son of God. God was willing to take on flesh to save us. God was willing to be a little unborn baby in Mary’s womb. God’s great love for mankind can be seen in the fact that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

It is clear from the incarnation that God values and loves us. We must not only see mankind as fallen and in need of a perfect Savior but we must also realize the worth placed upon man for the perfectly Holy God to seek us so that we can enjoy Him. We must see our worth in that He has made us to glorify Him and He is supremely worthy. A biblical view of man makes abortion unthinkable.

Secondly, the gospel-centered counselor must explain the Holiness of God
This has been done a bit before (the order is not super important) but now a different facet of God’s holiness must be seen by the woman considering abortion. This is the fact that God hates sin, His law forbids sin, God will punish sin, murder is a sin, abortion is murder, God hates murder – including abortion, and God will punish all sin – including abortion. The non-Christian must see that God is perfect and holy and therefore as the Supreme Judge must enact justice in His universe – this include punishing the wickedness of man – including abortion.

It is key for the gospel-centered counselor to have already explained the forgiveness and mercy found in Christ and if not, now is the time. However, it must be made known that only God has the authority to give and take away life in the ultimate sense. It must be made known that man is made in the image of God and God has a penalty for those who destroy the image-bearing man by murder.

An emphasis must be placed upon God’s love for the helpless especially and His wrath for those who oppress the weak – as in what happens in abortion. The mother must see that if she takes part in aborting her child, she is not a victim of sin but rather a perpetrator of sin. It is no insignificant thing to snuff out an innocent (in a relative sense of the term) life – no matter how small.

Thirdly, the gospel-centered counselor must explain abortion
This may seem like an odd one but if we value truth, then we will seek to combat the lies about abortion that the mother may have heard. She may have heard them from popular media, from her peers, from her own family, and everyone knows she will most certainly hear lies about abortion at a Planned Parenthood center or neighborhood abortion clinic.

So, what does this mean? It may mean that an incredible frankness and boldness will be required in saying, “well, if you are set on abortion, you should know what is available”. This means you will explain what abortion really is, without the use of code words and vagueries. This paper is not the place to describe each method of abortion and what it does to the baby because there are other resources dedicated to that but during the conversation it may be necessary to detail the types of abortions and what they do – not only to the child but the potential damage to the mother. Again, there are a number of resources dedicated to explaining the risks of abortion so this will not be done here but since she will not hear the whole truth from any given abortion provider, she must hear it somewhere.

In certain situations, the gospel-centered counselor may even ask the mother if she would like to see abortion-related photos or videos (these may include women having an abortion done on them, photos of dismembered or burnt babies, pictures of the tools of the abortion trade, etc.). This should only be done in certain circumstances but should never be seen as “off the table”. Defenses of the uses of these types of visuals can be found elsewhere, so I will not repeat that apologetic here but I do think images can be a valuable tool in the war for truth about abortion.

Another important fact to draw out is just what is in question. There are detailed defenses on the personhood of the fetus and those can be helpful but it need not be as philosophical and instead can be more basic. For example, giving the mother an idea of how the baby looks now (depending on the stage of pregnancy) and what the baby has already. Almost all the unborn in question will have developed nervous systems, fingernails, fingerprints, brain activity, facial expressions, stimulus responses, and of course, beating hearts. This kind of information helps give an understanding to the reality of the situation and can help ground the discussion in the real world. This is significant because in most cases, the unborn is covered in a shroud of mystery in the mind’s eye of the mother.


Final Thoughts

This paper is just an introduction to this field but I think it may be helpful to also point a few things gospel-centered counselors should not do as they counsel non-Christian women who are considering an abortion:

DO NOT overuse the phrase “your choice”
This plays into so-called pre-choice (read: pro-abortion) rhetoric and may help foster the illusion that we have a right to consent to murder. Terminating our young should not ever be considered an option and Christians should never help the unbeliever think they have a right to disobey God.

DO NOT overly focus on selfish reasons not to have an abortion
Reasons such as “a baby may help bring your family together” are selfish and possibly just so much empty promises. It is true we should talk about the health risks to women but even if abortion were completely safe for the mother, it would never be safe for the unborn. It is true we should talk about post-abortion related stress and guilt but even if the mother’s conscience becomes seared to the sin of abortion, abortion is still a horrible and immoral thing in God’s sight.

DO NOT make abortion sound too easy
Do not help the mom think that this really is a quick solution but it is just a bad choice, as if it is easy to do it this way but it is just not a good idea. Abortion is never easy or quick, as it is a traumatic experience for most women and the negative effects often last a lifetime.

DO NOT make parenting or adoption sound too easy
It is true these things both require sacrifice. The mother must be told the truth. Even as we speak the truth to her about the trials of pregnancy and parenting, we must focus on a gospel-centered hope in the midst of these things. We must encourage the mother to know she can do it as others before her have. If the mother is young, we must especially let her know that she can do the right thing but that it will require her to mature and think less selfishly. Explain how God can use this process to bring great growth in her life.

DO NOT offer her false hope if she goes through with the abortion
Explain to her that you are clearly laying out the facts and she is no longer naïve about the truth. She will be committing murder with full knowledge of what she is doing. Let her know this is a heavy thing and she cannot act casually towards God’s holiness and the moral law placed on her heart and think everything will be all right. This last one is tough because we cannot undercut the forgiveness of the gospel but at the same time we cannot let the mother leave with a cavalier attitude towards God’s grace.

DO NOT neglect to make sure she understands the gospel
Ask her about her walk with the Lord. Ask her about her sin. Ask her about Jesus. Ask her about repentance. Ask, listen, and explain.

DO NOT fail to read Scripture simply because she is not a Christian
Regardless of her opinion of God’s Word, it is still God’s Word and a powerful tool in evangelism. The Scripture is the sword of the Spirit and can affect the heart in ways we do not comprehend. We must use Scripture as we discuss these things because it is the believer’s ultimate authority and God’s Word is the only sure thing upon which we can stand.

DO NOT end without praying
This one is self-explanatory. Pray in the Spirit. Pray that God would perform a miracle on her heart. Pray that God will protect her unborn child. Pray.

Remember, this is just an introduction!